“I didn’t even think to have sex with you until you said ‘I don’t want to have sex.’”

That was your response.

Three days after the night you violated me, I met you face to face.  Even though my eyes still sting with suppressed tears when I see you, I needed to tell you NO MEANS NO.

We didn’t know each other but we danced in your friend’s suite before everyone decided to go somewhere else.  I wanted to go with them so you asked me to come get your jacket with you and I said okay.  Probably because I was a freshman and you made me feel desired.  We walked through the maze that is Ross and I didn’t really know where I was.  You didn’t bother to turn on the light when we entered your room, but the streetlight outside provided enough glow to see just your outline as you reached not for your jacket, but for my hips. 

When you started kissing me I wondered if I liked it.  I still had not found an answer when you pushed me onto your bed and put all of your weight on top of me.  You took off my pants and my mind spun.  I said, “I don’t want to have sex.”  Then you took off my underwear and kept trying to kiss me but I only spoke into your lips, “no….no, no.” And then you were inside of me.

 

So many kinds of pain and a moment later there were tears streaming down my face and once more I said no.  You couldn’t ignore it that time.  Freed from your weight I put my clothes back on and walked home, telling myself that I didn’t owe you anything.

 

Three days later we faced each other across a booth in Proctor.  I looked you in the eye and said “You have to understand that no means no.”  To which you responded, “I didn’t even think to have sex with you until you said ‘I don’t want to have sex.’”