“Lower your expectations,” I told him, my voice dripping with venom as I struggled to jam my foot into my boot. It was everything I could do to keep my hands from shaking.
“You’re fucking serious right now?” He shouted at me, standing there like a naked idiot, dick swinging as he whirled around in disbelief.
“I told you this was going no where.” I said, God dammit! My sock was inside out, my hands not cooperating.
“Yeah well my pants are off.” He said, hands on bony hips.
“Well fuck, asshole, you took them off.” I said as I snatched my shirt up off the dirty floor of his dorm room. “I wasn’t asking to see all that,”
He came close to me, I felt my shoulders tense up and I stood up, fast.
“You’re leaving.” He said. I leaned back, trying to keep myself as far as humanly possible from him.
“Yes.” I began to walk out. He blocked my path. I was grinding my teeth against flashbacks from high school – another jerk, pinning me to the wall, all that weight pressing, pushing against me while he undid my pants – if this kid so much as touched me I’d knock his teeth out.
“You can’t do this. I take you home, I at least, at the very least, expect a blow job. You can’t just make out with somebody.” He said, as if blocking my way with his scrawny, lanky self was going to convince me. I stared him dead in the eye and my lips pulled up in a snarl.
“You let me take your shirt off,” He said, accusatory. “You can’t just leave me hanging now, you’ve already gone this far,” he said, as if that was the thing that would convince me that I had to have sex with him.
“Go fuck yourself. Literally. And figuratively.” I pushed past him, flinging the door wide open and leaving it there.
“Whatever, I’ve already forgotten your name, bitch,”
“Fuck you___,” I shouted, followed by his name, hoping his entire hall heard. I left him to scramble, naked, to get the door shut before they came out to investigate.
It was only when I got outside that I let myself cry and shake. It had been a long time since I had been that afraid, since I had had flashbacks, since I had let a situation get that far out of my control. I gathered myself from where I had leaned against a wall and walked home, arms pulling my jacket tight around me, the cold Vermont night nipping at my skin.
Author: Anonymous Middlebury College Student