Author: Anonymous Middlebury College Student
Saturday night arrived and it began like every other Saturday night. I took a long shower, making sure to get every hair when I shaved, spent too long trying to pick out a shirt, and did 5 more minutes of makeup then usual, hoping some boy might notice the little extra effort I put in. My friends arrived soon after that and we all sat around my room drinking, talking and playing games. When it was time to leave and go to Atwater, I remember thinking I was just the right amount of drunk. Its that fine line that everyone likes to reach, where you know your not blackout, but your not going to get to the party and feel too sober. We walked in and it was like every other Atwater party, the lights were off, the music was loud and people were dancing. It was just what I wanted. I found a chair to dance on and started to have a good time with my friends. After a little while he came up to me and asked if I wanted to dance.
We danced for a while, not grinding, but the fun type of dancing every girl secretly loves, where the boy swings and twirls you around the dance floor. I learned that he had graduated last year and was back visiting a friend for the weekend. I told him all about my past semester abroad and how much I missed it. After awhile, we left and headed back to my room.
We hung out in bed for a bit and then started making out. His shirt came off and so did mine. He took off his pants and then mine. Finally he took off his boxers and then went for my thong, but I moved his hand away. We kept on hooking up and after some time he tried again. I told him no, that I didn’t want to have sex, so he asked why. I told him that I just didn’t want to. He seemed to accept this for a bit, until he asked if I was sure.
Again I had to tell him that we were not going to have sex. After making out a little more, we both rolled over and went to bed.
I like to sleep on my stomach with right arm under my pillow supporting my head. That’s how I fell asleep that night and that’s how I woke up, when I felt him get on top of me. At first I didn’t understand what was happening, but then I felt one of his arms pressing down on my back and the other holding my arm down. Then he slid himself into me. I became frozen with fear; I couldn’t move, think or speak. I only remember tears falling down my face. I remember hoping that he would just finish quickly so it would all be over. But it wasn’t quick, it felt endless and eventually I found my voice and told him to stop. Through my tears, I told him over and over again, but he wouldn’t listen, he wouldn’t stop.
After what felt like forever, he finally finished and rolled off of me, but I couldn’t move. When I finally found the energy to get up, I went to my bathroom, curled up on the floor and started hysterically crying. When the tears subsided, I mustered up the courage to go back into my room. He had fallen asleep. I woke him up and I told him he had to leave right now. He asked if everything was okay. I couldn’t even answer that question, had he not heard me say stop, had he not seen my tears. I told him to just go and for the first time all night he finally listened to me.