We were boyfriend and girlfriend. We trusted each other.

 

I had been dating E. for a few months. We were staying at a friend’s house. We were kissing, but before E. could take off any of my clothes, I stopped. I said I wasn’t comfortable having sex that night. E. said “Okay” at first, but soon brought it back up.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to?”

“I could make you feel good...”

“Aren’t you attracted to me?”

“You’re always hurting my self­esteem like this.”

 

Pressure and shame. E. started talking dirty to me. I jokingly said something about E. getting me aroused when I already said no, and I felt a hand between my legs. Whatever physical state I was in, E. assumed it meant I had changed my mind and started touching me more. I should have said no again; I didn’t say anything. I had an overwhelming feeling like I wasn’t allowed to say anything. I let E. do exactly what E. wanted to do so it would be over and we could go to bed.

 

The next day I got an apology for the “creepiness” of the incident, but also a reminder that I was making E. feel unwanted and unsexy by not wanting to have sex in the first place.

 

The first time I told a friend about it she said to me: “Wow, if you were a woman, I would call that sexual assault, or borderline rape.”